I've died & gone to Caramel Corn Heaven

And you can too...

1 cup butter
2 cups packed brown sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1 t salt
1/2 t. baking soda
1 t. vanilla
6 quarts of plain popped corn

In a saucepan, melt butter; stir in brown sugar, corn syrup and salt. Bring to a full rolling boil on Med/High heat, stirring constantly; boil without stirring for 5 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in soda and vanilla. Gradually pour over popped corn in a HUGE bowl, mixing well. Taste only with caution because you will burn your little tongue and fingers! Pour out into two baking sheets lined with Silpats or parchment paper (or it will stick!) Bake at 250 for 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Remove from oven, cool completely. Break apart and store in a tightly covered container.

Did I mention this is not non caloric? Have your toothbrush & treadmill on hand.

I don't think I've watched a soap opera for 15 years, well, I did have a short addiction to Passions, and I did lay on the couch for 2 months after I had my first baby, so I probably watched a few then...anyway, today I watched The Bold & the Beautiful. Have Brooke, Taylor & Ridge ever sorted out their love triangle? They certainly all look the same, especially Ridge, I wonder how much makeup that man wears to look so good.

In case you're wondering if all I did today was eat Caramel Corn and watch Soaps, I did not. I did lots of productive things in between ~ Changed some diapers, Visited my mom, packaged up a gift for my friend Tamera and took it to the Post Office, changed more diapers, weeded the garden, painted a sign I've been wanting to paint for the last 2 years that I made my husband cement into the ground in the front of our house ~ we stole it from Geauga Lake when it closed ~ Lost Daisy in the back yard, Found her playing with the garden hose covered in Raspberries with a giant mosquito bite just under her little eye, Brushed the dog & put the cushions on our outdoor furniture. Nothing else too exciting to report, so make the Caramel Corn and tell me what you think! It tastes just like Cracker Jacks.

It's OK to use Jiffy Mix, Honey

I've had this post planned for days, mixing it around in my head, laying it all out. All about why it's OK for all you insanely-crazy-busy-multi-tasking-wonder-women to pick up a box or two of 62 cent boxes of Jiffy Mix, an egg and 1/3 cup of water or milk, and why it will make your life a puffy, dreamy, carefree place. But after catching up on some blogs this morning I'm feeling a bit out of place. It seems I'm just not up to speed with all of you and your controversial, political, deep thoughts on the economy, John & Kate, Michael Jackson and Farrah, Library funding and I'm afraid you're going to think I'm just an air brained housewife with no views on anything important. The truth is, I run screaming from controversy. I high tail it out of any conversation leading to anything political or spiritual. Yes, things are hard right now, for the majority of us. It's sad Michael and Farrah died. I'm not sure what I feel about Obama. I think John and Kate are going to suck at being single parents. I'll be sad if our Library closes. But I'm going to continue to write about things non political/controversial/spiritual things in my life like How I Survived My 4th Cesarean Section or that It's OK to use Jiffy Mix. If that's OK with you. My point here is, on your next trip to Kroger, Giant Eagle, Wal-Mart, Publix, Target buy a couple of boxes. Easy quick muffin breakfast for your wild hungry kids, easy pizza dough - OH and the main reason, if you waste your time making a perfect pie crust out of real butter & flour for your Apple Pie contest at the County Fair, chances are, someone will beat you out and win First Place because they used a JIFFY MIX. Uh-huh, yep that happened to me last year. My mother can be such a pain in the a** sometimes.

The kind people at Jiffy Mix did not compensate me for writing this.

I want a Hippopotomus for Christmas

We had the opportunity to take #3 & #4 on a

private, behind-the-scenes

tour of the Zoo.

We got close

Look at those dainty feet

Really close

We touched

#3 Loved Blackie the Hippo. He is quite possibly the oldest Hippo in captivity at 55! Apparently they only live to be around 40. He was nice and sweet and wet and slimy and very hungry.



And fed a seal, seal lion, giraffe, zebra, grizzly bear a 3,700lb HIPPO, 3 Black Rhinos, sloth, stork, fox, snake....

Slow Mo the Sloth had sharp little teeth to eat his apples, squash and letus leaves. He's actually quite fast climbing around.

Mikey the Sea Lion - Doesn't he just look like a Mikey? He only weights about 450lbs - he's actually quite gracefull! We fed him lots of little fish and he performed lots of tricks for us!

This is Bridgette, the tallest of the bunch. She was very gentle taking her little snack from my hand.

Drove around in our limo golf cart, had lunch in the Rainforest and met the Zookeepers. The Keepers were so nice and told us all about the animals and their care.

I was surprized at how clean and organized their facilities were. Not like a stinky barn like we're used to at the farm

We're going to be so disappointed on our next regular trip to the zoo, when we have to come in the main entrance and try to catch a glimpse of the animals from afar!

A Grocery Store Tale

This is a tale of a crazy woman (me) who takes her four small children

to the grocery store.

Part One - Peeping Tom

The Baby is hungry and needs to nurse before going into the store. So I left the beasty SUV on and A/C on high as it was 88 degrees, and went around to the back seat with the tinted windows, locked the doors and started feeding the baby. So far so good. A man, undoubtedly figuring someone left their car running with no one in it walks over and looks inside the driver side (untinted) window where there was obviously no one there. Then he puts his hands up around his head and smooshes his face against the glass to look inside the back seat, tinted window, where I was sitting breastfeeding the Baby. "Hello!" I say very annoyed. He looked at my face, he looked at my boob, he looked at my face again, he quickly walked back to his car and drove off. I finished nursing, put the baby back into her seat, and tried to open the door. I forgot that the back seat had a child safety lock and you cannot open the door. I started to freak out, how were we going to get out of the car????? OK, deep breaths, calm down Bess. I climbed over two rows of seats in my big bus to the front and opened the doors. The girls thought this was the funniest thing they'd ever seen in their lives.

Part Two - Shopping

My oldest pushes one cart with the baby in her carrier, I push the cart with the groceries and the little Animal, the Tiddlywampus walks along side. We got our produce, baking needs, meat and dairy; then The Animal started getting claustrophobic with her cart buckle up around her armpits. She started wriggling around and grabbing groceries out of the back of the cart and throwing them onto the floor. She took the bread and squished it, then threw it on the floor. She tried to eat the dog treats. I gave her some ham to keep her quiet. This worked till she started spitting it out onto the floor. Tiddlywampus was on cleanup patrol, she put the regurgitated pieces of processed meat back into the basket. We decided on an ice cream flavor, always a big issue, and proceeded to the checkout. There were 3 isles open: express, self-checkout, and one traditional checkout line with 5 people waiting. Mad, the oldest says she is "experienced in self-checkout because she did it once with Auntie Clara! Really Mommy it's easy lets doooooo it!"

Part Three - The Self-Check Out.

I do not recommend this option. Here's how it went down: Mad starts taking things out of the basket and scanning, I get all worked up because I wanted to verify the machine was charging the correct amounts. The Tiddlywampus was putting the squished bread up on the conveyor belt without scanning and the Self Checkout Security Person, a 17 year old girl, came over and reprimanded me. I push Mad down to bag the scanned items, she gets mad and says "NO Mommy I Wand to SCAN!" I give her The Look, she puts her head down and goes over to bag. Tiddlywampus pushes a button that reverses the conveyor belt and the groceries start coming back to me, piling up and falling on the floor. The self-checkout machine starts talking to me and says, "Help is on the way." The 17 year old Security guard comes over and fixes the belt. I give the Tiddlywampus The Look. She starts helping Mad bag up. There are pieces of chewed up ham on the belt. The Animal starts crying, and I mean really crying. We were starting to get looks, the kind where people are saying with their beady eyes "make your kid shut-up woman." I give her a piece of ham. She smiles, chews it, spits it out on The Baby. I accidentally charge myself 5 times for a head of red lettus, I call over the 17 year old again. I finish scanning, begin to pay, and the machine says in way too loud a voice: "There are items that you did not scan!" More looks from people who think I'm stealing. Then the voice says, "Items that didn't scan: Always Infinity, Pork Loin, Gallon 2% Milk." Oh my God people know I'm buying Feminine products, pork loin and milk. 2 kids are crying now, the cart is full of half bagged half not bagged products. Here comes the 17 year old security, she fixes the problem. OK, I had my purse, as many kids as I had when I came in, all my groceries, two carts...lets head out to the car. I smell poop.

Part Four - Loading the Car

Put Baby in. Put Animal in, she cries, but can't tell me what's wrong because her 1 1/2 year old vocabulary inhibits her. I unload one cart, Oh, she wants a "Geek" - I give her some water. Fighting coming from back seat, it's hot...I roll windows down. I unload the other cart. Cart boy comes and takes carts for me....the best thing this whole darn trip! He waves to crying babies, makes them cry more. Thanks cart boy. We're on the road, The Animal opened a pack of strawberries and is covered in juice. The oldest is throwing the tops out the window, is that littering? We arrive home, babies nap, older two play, crazy mom woman wishes she could take a bubble bath and have a cosmopolitan, but instead I unload smooshed bread and chewed up ham and strawberry mush, and tell this tale to you.

My latest obsession, tea cozies

It's been forever since I've updated my etsy shop, so this morning I took pictures of my latest creations and had every intention of listing them. HOWEVER, I got sidetracked....the story of my life, and started shopping for Tea Cozies, my latest obsession.

Look at how cute these are....




this one is my favorite, it's felted wool by ingermaaike
I would want to wear this as a big old floppy hat! I love, love felted wool, and you must, I INSIST you click here and look at her shop, her work is gorgeous! I know the work that goes into these felted pieces, and she's just amazing.



handylittleme has a beautiful shop of knitted baby booties and tea cozies
and great shopping bags

This one is made of recycled sweaters and is only 12 bucks by goldenneedlecreation,

Cute Bee

And for an individual cup of tea or coffee...
feltology - another great shop

Grandma's Cream Puffs

My Grandma will make these once in a while, they are simple and quick and make a great presentation.

Puffs:

1/2 cup butter or margarine
1 cup water
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp. salt
4 eggs

Filling:
1 cup heavy cream
1 T powder sugar
1 tsp vanilla

Required garnish:

1/4 cup grated chocolate

sprinkling of powdered sugar

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter then add water. Bring to a boil. Add the salt and flour all at once. Quickly stir with a wooden spoon until the dough forms a ball. Remove from heat and let cool 5 minutes. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each. Drop by tablespoons onto a parchment lined sheet. Bake for 30 minutes at 400 degrees.

Meanwhile, with a wire wisk, or with your mixer beat the cream, vanilla and powdered sugar till it's nice and creamy and thick and yummy white. It helps to have a small person around to help you lick the wisk clean.

If you don't have one of these, you could lick it yourself,

or just put it in the dishwasher.
You could always use Cool Whip if you're in a pinch.
When you take the puffs out of the oven they will be puffed up and lightly golden and beautiful. Let them cool. Carefully take a bit of the top off and fill with a big dollop of the cream. Put the top back on.

Drizzle with some melted chocolate and powdered sugar.

This recipe makes about 15 cream puffs.

Wicked Wanda

It was a beautiful day in our rural little town, and I had not yet been formally introduced to Wicked Wanda. I didn't know what the big deal was, I'd seen countless sheep in my life, what was so unique about this one?

I'd heard her ugly face could give a person nightmares and I probably shouldn't be taking my children along for the initial meeting, but we weren't scared.

So, armed with bug spray, Livie in her stark white bride dress and pink polka dot shoes, Mad with her "What happens in the barn, stays in the barn" T-shirt, we went to look for Wanda.




Billy greeted us at the fence, and told us where Wicked Wanda and her offspring were grazing.




#2 - "Oh oh oh oh oh there she is mama!
#1 - "Aw! She doesn't look scary! She even has a cute little baby!"




#2 - "Oh, look at the cute little baby" What are they thinking? That BABY looks like it's 50 pounds...yes, I know I think everything is 50 pounds

#1 - "Uh, Mom, her face is kinda crooked."



Wanda turned away to munch her way across the pasture. I thought we'd never get a good look at her. Then her 50 pound "baby" started to nurse, practically lifted Wicked Wanda's hind end up off the ground in the process.

Wicked Wanda wasn't havin' any of that, she told her little teenager to eat some grass instead.

Oooo, here they come! Oh my, she is quite unattractive.

Luckily her little teenager didn't inherit her head.



That hair cut does nothing for her face shape, and those neon yellow eyes will be burned into my memory for quite sometime.


Lets see how far this little camera will zoom in......Oh my, Wicked Wanda!

The Secret to a Happy Marriage

His & Hers Dammit Dolls!

Let me introduce you to KAK and SAK. They are the wacky stuffed versions of my sometimes disfunctional parents. (I say this with complete love and support)

Za Husband

Za Wife

The purpose of the Dammit Couple is to relieve your frustrations towards your mate not with harsh words, but by taking the doll by his or her durable denim legs and slamming it on anything you'd like. Isn't it a fabulous concept?

Not to be confused with Voo Doo Dolls!

Email Me at besserina at msn dot com to order your very own personalized Dammit Dolls!

Fairy Garden Update...

Somewhere in our little herb bed is a nest of the teeniest, tiniest baby toads. They're only about 1/2 inch long, so cute, and love to hop around on the little fairy garden! So far, I havent been able to catch one with the camera, they're so quick. The girlies love to try to catch them with their chubby little hands though!

How to make Vintage Botanical Reproductions

Ever since I saw an original botanical sample on parchment, for over $200,I've wanted to make my own reproduction. Through a little trial and error, this is what I came up with and I love they way they turned out!

So lets make some botanical reproductions, shall we?

1. You will need various pressed plants. The plants you see here were pressed last summer and were ready to work with in about 6-9 months. This can take longer if the bloom is thicker, with lots of petals, like the Dahlia, top left. It was very worth it though, the colors are amazing and it is so thin and beautiful. I used a flower press like this one, because you can tighten the press as the plants dry.

2. Steep a batch of very strong tea, about 2 cups of water and 3 tea bags. Take a large paintbrush, or foam brush and liberally brush the mixture onto 140lb watercolor paper. You can spatter it around and put more on in other areas to make it more realistic. This paper is thick layers of pressed cotton that will not curl up and acid free. It's pricey, about $10 a pad, but its perfect for this project.

3. When the paper is still wet, rip and tear the edges to make them look worn. Let dry.

4. Still with me? Gooood, OK now we're going to add the plants. Brush on some Matte Mod Podge and put your specimen on top. You only have one chance to lay it on right. Brush some Mod Podge over the entire plant and dip your finger in some of the glue to carefully press out any air bubbles.

5. Look up the botanical names of your plants and write them and the year on with a black or brown Indian Ink pen. If you'd like it to look really authentic, go ahead and write 1845! You can find these pens in the art section of your craft store. When the ink dries, put another layer of Mod Podge over the entire page.

Now you can frame it, or hang it anyway you'd like. I saw once where one was wired to a stick and sitting up on a mantel. I took an old large frame and hung it, then took my botanicals and actually stuck them on the wall with Tacky Wax.

~Cast of Characters~

In order of appearance

Various Pressed Plants

Tea Bags

140 lb Cold Press Watercolor Paper

Paint Brush

Matte Mod Podge

Indian Ink Pen

I'm still looking up the botanical names myself, but the plants I used above are: Dahlia, Nicotina, Russian Sage, Snaps, Morning Glory, Balloon Flower, ?a potato vine?, i'm still searching for its name, Lemon Thyme - thymus x citriodorus, "Elephant Ear" or Illustrius Calicosia

Fairy Garden

#One and I made a fairy garden today in an hypertufa we made a few years ago. (pronounced just like it sounds) A hypertufa is a planter made from a mixture of portland cement, perlite, peat moss, ground fiberglass, sticks,rocks and leaves and whatever else you want to add.

For our mini garden, we used moss, sticks, little rocks, sedum, thyme and chickens and hens.



I thought it would be cute to make a bigger "fairy swing" for our little herb garden, however now that I look at in pictures, it looks like something you would roast a pig on. Or one of those things the Aborigines would carry a prisoner on.? You know what I mean, with their hands and feet bound and slung over the stick? When they carry them around through the jungle scantily clad, singing and chanting, and licking their chops?

Actually it just looks like something that could impale a person if they fell on it.

OK, I'm getting rid of the stupid fairy swing.

Some chamomile for drying. I love the smell of dried chamomile.

Meemaw's House

My mother, my daughters' Meemaw, has the most beautiful wisteria growing around her front porch. It twirls all around and you can smell it before you even see it.

This honeysuckle is growing up the "cat house" No, it does not house cats, for some reason I just always called it the cat house. You know actually, I think my cat Mabel may have given birth in there quite a few times. Anyway, it was given to us by a lady named Tootsie, who used to bring me hand-me-down clothes once a month. I turned it into my play house, then when I was 9 it was my art studio and gallery. Eventually it got filled with junk until a couple of years ago when mom fixed it up for a garden shed.

So we visited with Meemaw, made her friends recipe for guacamole which was very very good...avacados, lots of fresh cillantro, scallions, jalapino, salt, lime juice.

Did you know that a ripe avacado is BLACK? My grandmother always told me that, but honestly I didn't believe her. I thought that a BLACK avacado was ROTTEN.

#3 smelled some posies

Little pink roses by the back door...

The girls barn boots...

This about sums up my day...

"Mommy, Daisy is rubbing vaseline all over herself and I don't know what to do!"

The thing about husbands

Tonight my other half washed the dishes for the second time in one month. The first time he did it I was so shocked, amazed and overcome with joy and love, I hugged and kissed his face and whispered sweet nothings in his little ears. Tonight however, was a different story....

He filled the sink with soapy water

He sorted the dishes, I'm not sure in what way they were sorted, I wasn't going to ask questions. At this point I was happy. I began drying the dishes he was washing, thinking to myself, isn't this nice, it's just like a movie! Where it's his turn to wash and hers to dry and they talk about their days and pinch eachothers butts, then start kissing and end up breathless on the kitchen table.

So he washes, I'm drying. Well, I was getting impatient, because he was taking a long time to wash... I'm used to rushing through it so I can pick up a crying child, answer the phone, wiping vaseline off of Daisy's belly...etc.

So, I sat down at my desk to crop a couple of pictures for this fabulous blog you are reading.

Blah, Blah, Blah....

He gets mad because I'm not in there "helping" him.

Um. I am at a loss for words here, baby.

So he finished the dishes, made himself a bowl of popcorn and is sitting in the living room right now as we speak.

That's all I have, I'm still at a loss for words.

Dolls

Maddie and I made this doll for her girlfriends 8th birthday last week. It was difficult to make the decision to create a handmade gift for a little girl, but I wanted to teach my daughter how much more meaningful it is. Maddie was so proud of her work clutched her gift bag till the end, doing that little dance 8 year old children do when they are ready to burst with exitement. I was sure that in all the muddle of sqealing girls, Hannah Montana Dolls and roller blades, our little domestic offering would be looked at once then tossed aside. After all, it had no price tag, no makeup or punky hair and no packaging but tissue paper. But instead the sweet little birthday girl hugged her doll, hugged Maddie, then (bless her little heart) hugged me. Some of her friends even requested she make them one for their upcoming birthdays. This warmed my heart.

This one was sent to Germany to my new friend, Tamera. She is originally from New Mexico and misses home. She has her eyes closed, dreaming of home, holding a ristra...

I think that's how it's spelled, a wreath or garland of chilies that hang outside of your home. Painted on her dress are balloons, a church, a field of flowers and her family.